tech etc...

sarah young

sre | dev | historian

Why 1-1s matter when joining a new team

06 Oct 2020

When I join a new team I organise 1-1s with each new team member. We cover things like preferred communication style, conflict style, how we like give and receive feedback, and how to support each other as teammates.

This week one of my old teammates (who did this type of 1-1 with me months ago) asked me to write up my approach. We’ve both joined a new team together and they’d like to try something similar.

I figured I’d share what I wrote.

Purpose

These 1-1s are opportunities to build connections, discover uncommon commonalities, and importantly, get to know how each person likes to work –– especially when it comes to communication and conflict.

It’s easier to talk about what inspires or bothers us in a casual conversation over coffee than in a moment of frustration.

These chats are meant to augment not replace other great team habits like creating a Manual of Me.

Although the surface level goal is getting to know each other, the core purpose of the 1-1 is to begin the “vulnerability loop”, a fundamental trust-building technique.

From my experience, doing these 1-1s has a big impact on my relationship with the person. I feel closer to my teammate, more trusting, connected and understanding.

Format

It’s a conversation between two people. I typically start to help set tone and direction. I talk about a topic then ask the other person for their perspective.

If direct questions or conversations feel a bit awkward or uncomfortable, you can always fill out a Manual of Me template ahead of time and use that as a starting point (ask your partner to do so as well). Discuss each section one by one.

What to cover

The three main topics to cover are preferred communication style, how you respond to/engage in conflict1, and how you prefer to receive feedback.

If you feel comfortable, open up about something that’s personal to you: perhaps something you’re vulnerable about, a challenge you’ve overcome, or something you’re currently struggling with.

It doesn’t have to be super personal, just enough to indicate that you’re inviting someone into your confidence. This creates the vulnerability loop.

The final topic worth covering is how to best support each other as teammates.

I’ve loved asking this question. It often helps me connect my teammates to other people in my network, recommend books, or provide more focused feedback on something they care about.

It means I can support them on their career journey and I love that.

Rough conversation guide

When you send the 1-1 invite, provide an outline of the topics you will cover to give people time to prepare.

If following a series of questions, the easiest first step is to ask people about themselves:

Segue into the key topics:

I normally ask follow up questions to get a better sense of the person, what’s influenced them and/or their careers and where they find their joy/purpose. I also try to use active listening to make sure I’ve correctly understood.

Finally pick one thing that’s really important for your teammate to know about you or working with you. This is your chance to engage in a vulnerability loop, but it’s completely up to your comfort level.

End by asking how you can best support your teammate.

After

I don’t like taking notes during the conversation because it feels impersonal and interview-y.

Instead, right after the chat finishes I jot down a few thoughts, focusing on the key things I need to know about my new teammate.

That’s it!

  1. You can take a Conflict Styles Assessment to figure out your conflict style. ↩